Freestylin\\\’

I’ve been proposed to a handful of times in my life and haven’t had any luck with my engagements. Marriage at first seemed so **magical**!! And the idea of planning a non-church wedding that would blow everyone’s mind? I ate that up like it was chocolate cake that doesn’t go straight to your ass.

However, my view of marriage has severely changed since that first time around with my high school boyfriend and a sterling silver engagement ring bought straight from Mexico City with hearts on it.

When a friend of mine was about to get married, he told me one of the most common questions people would ask him was, “Are you ready for this big change? Is it scary?”

Mark told me that actually, getting married didn’t seem like this life-altering thing. He said he was with his girlfriend for awhile and they were already living together. He felt that having a baby would be the thing that would be life altering.

I was a bridesmaid recently in a wedding, and the bride shared similar sentiments. “It’s like the same way it was before,” she informed me.

My co-worker, however, said that marriage was hard work. And maybe I’m at the point where I understand what she means.

Well, I do have a baby, but I’m not married. And just like Mark said, having a baby has changed my life in ways way beyond the typical staying up all night and getting poop all over you. It had changed my identity, the way I view commitment and relationships and priorities and friendships. It has changed my body and my lifestyle. It has changed the way I love and forgive.

People ask me, “When’s the wedding?”

I do know this, I am now thinking of marriage as something that probably should bring profound change in the way you are willing to commit to a relationship. For me, I don’t want it to be about, “Oh, we’ve been dating for awhile, it just makes sense”.

If I decide to get married, it will really be something life-altering — it will be about making the same promises to my partner as I would my son. That is the level of commitment and work that should go into a marriage. Am I ready for that?

It is terrifying. Because I would not go into it with the mentalilty that, “Oh, hey, I can get a divorce if I want!” I would go into it full-force Shakespearian “Love does not bend with the remover to remove”.

My Beautiful Mommy by Michale Salzhauer

I haven’t read this book yet, but I did hear the debate about it on NPR. A children’s book on… plastic surgery? People are getting so bent out of shape saying this is inappropriate for children. It’s hard for me to say whether or not I agree with the narrative, but if a kid’s mom is going out and getting plastic surgery then coming back with bandages on her face then unveiling a different nose — then obviously there’s a dialogue that needs to occur.

I’m not saying that I want to go under the knife anytime, but I do know that there are many people who have felt the need to go that route. And you know what? You bet that this has impact on their children, just like any surgery! Most of the comments were along the line of “We should just teach our kids to love them the way they are” etc, etc. But here’s the reality check: the plastic surgery? It’s happened, or it’s about to happen. It happens to be a choice some people make, whether or not you are for or against it. I hope this book is a good one. A parent is just being direct about what they are doing so their kid doesn’t crap their pants — might as well keep it real if you’re not going to keep your face real.

I tried to imagine myself as a child having to watch my parent go through this and not being educated or informed about it. I know I would be totally freaked out. I remember feeling a disconnect when my grandma got dentures and the shape of her face changed.

I’m not a fan of the way it is illustrated, I will say that. Kind of like Barbie Mommy go gets a tummy tuck.

Photo courtesty lostateminor.com.