Freestylin\\\’

It was an unsurprising reaction that I’ve observed in the dating world: someone with a kid gets several points knocked off their Desirability Factor. Even a friend of mine who is a parent now told me about his decision not to ask out a girl in college because he found out she had a kid. Hotness factor? Doesn’t matter. A friend of mine, S, has a crew of hot gal pals — the if the SATC Bible were Nylon and not Vogue. One of her crew is a Jordana Brewster look-a-like and gets second and third glances from the cute little former-hipsters turned Anthem model guys. That is, until they find out she’s a mother.

It happens to be a common reaction. Remember that show on TV, Blind Date? The pop-up video version of reality TV dating? One guy got set up with a mother, and he dumped her as soon as he noticed her “stretch marks” as he viciously told her. “You’ve got kids, I can tell by your stretch marks.” She even wound up trying to tempt him with a topless swim, but he left her out in the pool by herself. “I don’t want to walk into a ready-made family.”

I was talking to one of my good friends about this. “Would you date someone with a kid?” I asked him.

Without hesitation, he answered, “Absolutely. Especially if they are a good parent, because I feel like the qualities that makes them a good parent would translate to the relationship as well.”

I felt that was interesting insight. Though there are definitely good parents who suck at relationships.

Until I had a baby myself, I honestly didn’t think I would ever date someone who had a child. Admittedly, that wasn’t a great mentality. My reasoning was the usual “baby mama drama”. I couldn’t really comprehend how someone who had a child with another person could really be over the person who they had a child with. I always figured it was too strong of a bond and I would come second to that no matter what.

I realize now that isn’t the case. I have a baby now and of course he is my life and love, but I do understand how you can have no sentimental feelings for the other parent. Most pregnancies are unplanned, and sometimes they are with a person you don’t want to be with and you decide to keep the baby. It’s as simple as that.

This month, Fashionista Today is going to be going through a change in lifestyle — blogstyle — you know what I mean. I originally started this blog with the intentions of blogging specifically about fashion. However, I want to open the scope to issues of interest to stylish women who aren’t quite single. While I’m not only a parent, but a partner — I still hold lots of interest in relationships and how they work and don’t work. Stylin’ is always going to be a part of my life, so that’s not going to drop. Why keep these issues separate when a woman can be all of that in one package?

I get irritated when I immediately get defined by others as a mother, and a mother only. Yes, I am a mother, but I’m also a girlfriend. I am also a partner, a daughter, a sister. I have a sweet tooth the size of my head and neck. I’m a writer and a critic. I’m also criticized! I’m a designer, a Capricorn, an aetheist, and a person of color. I am right handed and stubborn. I’m someone who doesn’t know how to drive a stick shift. I’m a strong supporter of homebirthing and midwives.

So, what exactly is a fashionista (today) really about? Fashion, fashioning, being fashioned after… it’s not all about clothes and designer labels. It’s about creation, shape, style — quirkiness. Some of it is charming, some of it is cool, some of it is extremely eccentric.