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Archive for June 6th, 2008

Jun 06 2008

Dating Adaptation

I talk to one of my friends about boys a lot. It’s not to be helped because of the incest rings (for instance, if you hook up with one person in Ann Arbor, you can probably trace yourself to every other person who’s ever visited the 8 Ball).

“You should write about it!” she said.

“You realize I would get repeatedly killed, right?” I replied.

We’ve been talking about “types” recently. One of my friends doesn’t have a type.

I don’t really either, but I have noticed a pattern in what attracts me to a guy, and it’s severely different than the guys I was attracted to when I was living in Flint. I think that, like evolution, my taste in men has morphed to accomodate to what is around me in Ann Arbor:

  • dark unruly hair
  • a certain dorky/nerdishness
  • a sarcastic/borderline asshole/self-depricating sense of humor
  • tortured somehow, be-it because he hates his job or his roommate
  • downplayed decor, but with touches of splurging on the nerdy and/or artsy hobby: music equipment, zombies, videogames, vintage typewriters, cameras and photography, scooters, comic books
  • either did not finish college, or is perpetually in college
  • has a vice, usually smoking, drinking, or recreational drugs
  • has an indie job that they love or hate, but is not a professional job: bookstore, used CDs, food service, barista, video store clerk, movie theater
  • is uncircumcised, or would have chosen to remain uncircumcised had he had the choice
  • aetheist
  • black plastic glasses, or has the potential to look good in black, plastic glasses
  • a tattoo, or multiple tattoos
  • broke
  • tendency to grow beards either by choice or lack of motivation to shave
  • not sappy romantic, but still a gentleman: will pay for your drink at the bar, or give you a can of Miller Lite if he’s got it
  • kids and family are the absolute last thing on their mind

    However, there are certain qualities that will remain no matter where I am and those are the unchangeable qualities as follows:

    politically on the same wavelength
    hip hop/motown roots in music taste <– difficult in Ann Arbor
    absolutely no small penises

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    Jun 06 2008

    Does a Guy really want to date “One of the Guys”?

    There’s a scene in the new Sex in the City movie (shut up, you know you secretly want to watch it) where Carrie and Big are sitting together in bed and she asks to use Big’s glasses. This totally reminds me of (shut up) me and my boyfriend because these past two weeks I have been living as a dorky squinter. Definition of a dorky squinter: Someone who isn’t wearing glasses but should, resulting in geeky facial expressions such as wrinkled noses and exposed front teeth when trying to peer at things in order to see them. I lost my five year old Burberry emo glasses and have been using my best friend’s reject contact lenses and my boyfriend’s blue emo glasses as back-up when I need to see.

    They got used during a wedding I was in (had to!) and during a lot of the eastern conference NBA play offs (ugh, let’s not talk about it). Also, during said Sex and the City movie which I hate myself for thinking about too much since I have not forgiven Carrie for her views on bisexuality or Miranda’s typical racism.

    Anyway, back to Carrie and Big in bed. Carrie is wearing a sexy chemise and not an oversized T-shirt with boxer shorts.

    This reminds me of a movie my best friend S suggested I watch called Last Kiss starring Zack Braf. I don’t know if I spelled that right and spell check doesn’t work on names, unfortunately. In the movie, one of his friends says that his girlfriend is perfect because she’s beautiful (debatable, but I’m hating) and just like “one of the guys”.

    My question is, do guys really want to date one of the guys? I’m teetering on dangerous sex role stereotypes here, but let’s try and interpret what “one of the guys” attempts to mean. Swearing? Farting? What else? Baggy dirty clothes? Watches sports?

    My friend Jillian and I were talking about how great it is to have guy friends to hang out with because hanging out with girly girls can be too overwhelming.

    “I can only say, omigod, these shoes are so cute, so many times before I start wanting to throw up,” she said.

    Honestly, I were only allowed to talk about fashion in this blog while having to write in it every day, I think I would sneak in a review of a Pistons jersey somewhere. Oh, wait, I did do that! Having a good group of guy friends is definitely a plus. I used to only hang out with guys all the time — sports, drinks, sex talk (for awhile it was only the guys who would talk about sex) — the only thing was I wore stilettos and skirts back then. And I will say, hanging out with the guys definitely got me the most attention.

    So dating “one of the guys” is good, but what about committing to her? ;-) I get worried that I fart some foul smells a bit too often in front of my partner and don’t give a rat’s ass about how I look at times. As I write this, however, it crosses my mind that it doesn’t mean that I’m being “too much of a guy”, but just careless.

    I asked one guy I know whether or not he would date a girl who acted like one of his buddies. His immediate response: “Is she pretty?” The farting had to be controlled, but going to a game was a plus.

    But wait, some women just don’t like sports.

    I don’t think the point here is to all of a sudden gain an acute interest in NBA stats and players (my personal forte), but don’t dog it if you haven’t tried it (number one) and (number two) let’s say you don’t like sports. Fine. I think another quality that is unfortunately considered a “guy” quality is just speaking your mind with that biting sarcastic humor of yours that can go one on one — like Mortal Kombat but with insults and/or cleverness.

    While I realize I’m using lots of masculine stereotypes, we should know the story about the woman who took doses of testosterone. That’s for another article, however.

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